So it took me 38 weeks and 4 days to have my first real emotional breakdown of this pregnancy. I've had a couple of little breakdowns here and there with the end of school, work drama, and the baby's room but this was the first REAL major meltdown where I just cried uncontrollably and thought to myself that I didn't want to be pregnant anymore. I've gotten this far and it's almost over. I am thankful every day that I have been able to carry this (big) babe for this long. I'll just be happy when we get to meet him. You might be wondering, "You've gotten this far, why all of a sudden are you done?" Well, let me explain why I am "done" by making a list of things that I am done with or hate about being 38 weeks and 4 days pregnant:
1. My new least favorite thing is the pee thing. Anyone that has been pregnant knows that the third trimester comes around and you have to pee much more frequently. What I didn't know was that I would be in the bathroom every 15 minutes. It's absolutely and utterly ridiculous. What's worse, is that when you are so close to the end, you aren't sure whether or not you are about to pee or whether it's your water breaking. So I'm literally in the bathroom every 15 minutes. It's this constant sensation that just doesn't go away. 9 out of 10 times I really have to go and I wonder "where is all of this coming from?" I don't know how I would have done this if I had to work. I spend the day running to the bathroom. Which leads me into my next "least favorite thing..."
2. Sleep. I love the people that say, "Ohhh, you better sleep a lot now and enjoy it because once the baby comes you wont sleep ever again." When people say this, not only do I want to hurt them, but I want to use several 4 letter expletives to describe how moronic that statement is. Remember the whole pee thing? Yeah, well when you have to pee every 15 minutes, you aren't really sleeping that much. How about the extra 40 pounds I'm carrying around? You think it's comfortable to sleep with all that extra weight pulling on your hips, pelvis, and back? Oh and how about all of us poor women who get pregnancy carpel tunnel and can't feel our hands, legs, or feet when we lay down? That's right, I'm going to enjoy all that EXTRA sleep I'm getting with a sore back, getting up to pee 80 times, and numb hands and arms. DUMB. (if you are one of those people who have made this comment to me, now you know not to make it again-just sayin'.)
3. I can't move, stand, walk, be mobile for more than 2 minutes at a time. This is killer, especially when you are a fairly active person and always need to keep busy. I make love to my couch every day and I'm kinda getting sick of the daily routine of "Wake up, Eat breakfast, watch the Today Show, snack, Watch 90210 reruns, Lunch, watch Baby story, watch Make Room for Multiples, snack, Watch Baby's First Day, snack, watch What not to Wear....etc." I guess I shouldn't be complaining because I like routine and that's going to be out the window very shortly, but I'm not used to spending the summer confined to my couch. It didn't help that Paul wasn't around this week and I was all by myself.
4. When I do go out for 5 minutes (which is rare) these days, everyone is constantly staring-at what, I'm not sure of, but they stare. I'm 38+ weeks pregnant, I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to look like, especially since I'm carrying a potential 9-10 pound baby. I just want to wear a shirt that says "Take a Picture, It Lasts Longer." When the lady at the drive thru at Wendy's was asking 100 questions, I thought I'd make the whole "when you are pregnant you become public property" thing fun and tell her that I was having twin boys and that I was due in a few weeks. If you are going to be nosey and ask stupid questions, I'm going to have fun with it.
Okay so thats my rant. Next up are my irrational fears. This could be quite the list because I think of a new one about every 2.4 seconds:
1. How is this baby going to come out? Is he coming out the baby hole? Is he going to be a c-section?
2. When is this baby going to come out?
3. Is my water going to break while I'm sleeping? Holy crap, I hope not....
4. If I go into labor and I call the doctor, are they going to make me labor at home? I will need pain meds ASAP and cannot wait.
5. What happens if I get to the hospital and there is no room for me?
6. What happens if I don't dilate? (McDreamy and I already discussed this, and I'm not doing the labor for 30+ hours....no way not happening)
7. If I have a c-section, that's like, a surgery, can I die from that?! (totally irrational, I know)
8. What if this baby really is 9-10 pounds? Holy crap, he wont fit into any of his newborn clothes or diapers! Will be be hungry all the time?
9. What if he's not cute? (This sounds so so bad, I know, but all of you that have had babies need to admit that you have thought this....I'm admitting to it.)
10. What if baby doesn't like me?
11. What if I don't like the baby? (don't judge, this happens and it freaks me out)
12. What if he's not a booby kinda baby? I want to breast feed, but what happens if he doesn't want to?
13. What if he's colic?
14. What if he doesn't want to sleep, like ever?
15. If I have a c-section, will I be able to hold him? Will everything hurt? Will I be able to walk up and down the stairs?
These are just a few of the 700 irrational fears I have-the ones listed above are the ones I thought of off the top of my head.
Most of these are "what if" questions, which I understand are ridiculous. He could be the most perfect baby ever, I know this too, and the one thing I have been working on within myself if how I have no control of what happens, that I just need to keep a clear head, stay calm and focused, and not stress (easier said than done) but I know that this will be one of the hardest things I will ever do and I'm ready to accept whatever cards I am handed. I think I'm ready, well almost. Is anyone ever really 100% ready?
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