39 Weeks!

Here we are! 39 weeks....1 week to go until D-Day and this baby seems to like his stay in my uterus very much, which is fine with his daddy and me. We have been saying all along how well it would work out if he stayed until his due date or later. It just works out better for us financially with work and what not. That was another reason why I kinda freaked out a few weeks ago when I was told he would probably be here way early. I guess if I had left it up to that doctor, he would have been here with us already, but I'm glad things have gone the way they have, even though it was stressful, I'm glad she was wrong (especially when she told me I wouldn't make it to my due date. Not that I have yet, but I'm just a few days away!)

Paul was in a class this week that he really couldn't skip out on (unless the baby came of course). Because I don't go to the doctor's by myself anymore, I decided to take my mom to meet McDreamy. This was to be a quick visit-the ultrasound will be next week, but I needed to have the usual urine sample, blood pressure, baby heart rate, and, my favorites, weight and internal exam. I am so used to this routine at this point that I go pee and do my weight on my own. It's hard to believe that this "routine" will all be over in just a few short days.

McDreamy came in and checked me out. I had 100 questions of course-one being "what's the plan from here on out?" Two of the very BIG points are two things that go hand in hand: one being how close I am to my due date and the other being the size of this baby. The options are to wait it out and see if I go on my own. If I do, then great, I may or may not have the baby vaginally-like most people. If I don't go on my own, and we get to my 40 week check up, I'll be checked out and have one more ultrasound, in which the baby will be reevaluated and measured. If at that point, he is more than 3,500 KG (or 9.5-10 pounds) he will nit be able to be delivered vaginally and a c-section will have to be scheduled. My other option is to be induced (which may or may not work-as Dr. Mootabar said MANY inductions are long and painful and wind up in a c-section). I once again reiterated that I am not comfortable with being induced and I finally asked if I was being stupid about feeling that way. My McDreamy told me I was absolutely not being stupid for feeling that way and he finally admitted (without actually admitting it-if that makes sense) that based on what he's seen during my exams in  the last couple of weeks that I wouldn't be a very good candidate for an induction and it would probably not work. He also said that he felt at the next ultrasound the baby would be "maxed out" meaning he wouldn't feel comfortable with me trying to give birth vaginally. I'm totally fine with that.

So he examined me, and sure enough, no dilation, no effacement. Same as the last couple of weeks. The cervix is a little soft but barely open at all-he said something like "I can barely get a finger tip in" (sorry if this is TMI). He couldn't feel the baby's head. Before leaving he told me that we will continue to wait-if baby doesn't come between today and my next appointment (which is Thursday, August 25), then we will go ahead with a scheduled c-section, which he wanted me to schedule before I left. The baby may come this week (which I am praying he DOES NOT) because McDreamy is on vacation....he said "I know you love me but I'm out of town this week." When he told me that I thought I'd have a heart attack. So this baby is going to wait it out for McDreamy! :-)

After we finished in the exam room, we went out to this little office in the lobby to make a date for the c-section. While I was talking to the secretary in this office making arrangements, my mom was waiting behind me and there was this women waiting to make another appointment at the front desk. The best way to describe this woman would be to say that she was a stereotypical Northern Westchester mom: hair and nails were perfect, she had about 3 karats in each ear, her outfit and shoes matched, her make up was perfectly done, but the worst part of it all, was that up and down, scope you out look that these types of women have perfected. She was making conversation with my mom. At first she tried talking to me but I didn't have the time nor did I want to pay attention to her comments or nosey questions. I found out later that from my mom that she rambled on and on comparing herself to me, telling my mom how huge I was, that I should have a c-section, asking how much weight I gained, telling her all about her kids....all the while, working that perfect "stare." She even commented about my ankles and legs. Can you imagine? I am so glad I paid no attention to her nonsense because I am at the point that I probably whipped out my good friend, Allyson's favorite line that she uses to totally inappropriate people which goes something like, "I don't see how any of this is any of your business or concern." I don't know where people think they get off with the questions and the prying when you are pregnant. I'm sure it'll get worse once the baby is born. I've really developed a thicker skin when it comes to listening to people banter on and on about their opinions, and especially when they judge you about what you are doing during your pregnancy, what you have done, or what you plan to do when your baby is born.

Things I Hate and Irrational Fears

So it took me 38 weeks and 4 days to have my first real emotional breakdown of this pregnancy. I've had a couple of little breakdowns here and there with the end of school, work drama, and the baby's room but this was the first REAL major meltdown where I just cried uncontrollably and thought to myself that I didn't want to be pregnant anymore. I've gotten this far and it's almost over. I am thankful every day that I have been able to carry this (big) babe for this long. I'll just be happy when we get to meet him. You might be wondering, "You've gotten this far, why all of a sudden are you done?" Well, let me explain why I am "done" by making a list of things that I am done with or hate about being 38 weeks and 4 days pregnant:

1. My new least favorite thing is the pee thing. Anyone that has been pregnant knows that the third trimester comes around and you have to pee much more frequently. What I didn't know was that I would be in the bathroom every 15 minutes. It's absolutely and utterly ridiculous. What's worse, is that when you are so close to the end, you aren't sure whether or not you are about to pee or whether it's your water breaking. So I'm literally in the bathroom every 15 minutes. It's this constant sensation that just doesn't go away. 9 out of 10 times I really have to go and I wonder "where is all of this coming from?" I don't know how I would have done this if I had to work. I spend the day running to the bathroom. Which leads me into my next "least favorite thing..."

2. Sleep. I love the people that say, "Ohhh, you better sleep a lot now and enjoy it because once the baby comes you wont sleep ever again." When people say this, not only do I want to hurt them, but I want to use several 4 letter expletives to describe how moronic that statement is. Remember the whole pee thing? Yeah, well when you have to pee every 15 minutes, you aren't really sleeping that much. How about the extra 40 pounds I'm carrying around? You think it's comfortable to sleep with all that extra weight pulling on your hips, pelvis, and back? Oh and how about all of us poor women who get pregnancy carpel tunnel and can't feel our hands, legs, or feet when we lay down? That's right, I'm going to enjoy all that EXTRA sleep I'm getting with a sore back, getting up to pee 80 times, and numb hands and arms. DUMB. (if you are one of those people who have made this comment to me, now you know not to make it again-just sayin'.)

3. I can't move, stand, walk, be mobile for more than 2 minutes at a time. This is killer, especially when you are a fairly active person and always need to keep busy. I make love to my couch every day and I'm kinda getting sick of the daily routine of "Wake up, Eat breakfast, watch the Today Show, snack, Watch 90210 reruns, Lunch, watch Baby story, watch Make Room for Multiples, snack, Watch Baby's First Day, snack, watch What not to Wear....etc." I guess I shouldn't be complaining because I like routine and that's going to be out the window very shortly, but I'm not used to spending the summer confined to my couch. It didn't help that Paul wasn't around this week and I was all by myself.

4. When I do go out for 5 minutes (which is rare) these days, everyone is constantly staring-at what, I'm not sure of, but they stare. I'm 38+ weeks pregnant, I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to look like, especially since I'm carrying a potential 9-10 pound baby. I just want to wear a shirt that says "Take a Picture, It Lasts Longer." When the lady at the drive thru at Wendy's was asking 100 questions, I thought I'd make the whole "when you are pregnant you become public property" thing fun and tell her that I was having twin boys and that I was due in a few weeks. If you are going to be nosey and ask stupid questions, I'm going to have fun with it.

Okay so thats my rant. Next up are my irrational fears. This could be quite the list because I think of a new one about every 2.4 seconds:

1. How is this baby going to come out? Is he coming out the baby hole? Is he going to be a c-section?
2. When is this baby going to come out?
3. Is my water going to break while I'm sleeping? Holy crap, I hope not....
4. If I go into labor and I call the doctor, are they going to make me labor at home? I will need pain meds ASAP and cannot wait.
5. What happens if I get to the hospital and there is no room for me?
6. What happens if I don't dilate? (McDreamy and I already discussed this, and I'm not doing the labor for 30+ hours....no way not happening)
7. If I have a c-section, that's like, a surgery, can I die from that?! (totally irrational, I know)
8. What if this baby really is 9-10 pounds? Holy crap, he wont fit into any of his newborn clothes or diapers! Will be be hungry all the time?
9. What if he's not cute? (This sounds so so bad, I know, but all of you that have had babies need to admit that you have thought this....I'm admitting to it.)
10. What if baby doesn't like me?
11. What if I don't like the baby? (don't judge, this happens and it freaks me out)
12. What if he's not a booby kinda baby? I want to breast feed, but what happens if he doesn't want to?
13. What if he's colic?
14. What if he doesn't want to sleep, like ever?
15. If I have a c-section, will I be able to hold him? Will everything hurt? Will I be able to walk up and down the stairs?

These are just a few of the 700 irrational fears I have-the ones listed above are the ones I thought of off the top of my head.

Most of these are "what if" questions, which I understand are ridiculous. He could be the most perfect baby ever, I know this too, and the one thing I have been working on within myself if how I have no control of what happens, that I just need to keep a clear head, stay calm and focused, and not stress (easier said than done) but I know that this will be one of the hardest things I will ever do and I'm ready to accept whatever cards I am handed. I think I'm ready, well almost. Is anyone ever really 100% ready?

The Nursery is DONE!

Baby boy's nursery is done! It actually worked out pretty well that we were having a boy. Long before we found out the gender, we decided that if it the baby was a boy, we would keep the color of our guest room the same. It was a blue and a golden harvest color which would be perfect for a boy's room. So we (or I should say Paul) was lucky we didn't have to repaint the whole room (because if it was a girl, it would have been all sorts of shades of pink!) 

What we didn't plan for but wound up doing was ripping up the (disgusting) rugs and put in floors. Paul did the work all by himself and it took a while. The house was a mess, and when we thought he was coming early, it was major panic mode. Luckily enough everything got done. Paul freshened up the paint and the floor moldings. He put up the border and my mom came to set up the crib and iron all the linens since I don't iron (lol). Slowly but surely, everything found it's place, and I love it. It's such a cute room and I love sitting in the rocking chair, just relaxing. I hope BIG boy likes it as much as I do.

This picture was taken while I was sitting in the rocking chair. The room has a lot of funky corners and angles.

Mommy and Carrie practice for the baby. The good thing about this is that the baby will probably be bigger than the dog.

When you walk in the door and look to the left, this is what you see. We have no closet but all the clothes fit nicely in the dresser. His BIG clothes for 9-12 months are stored away.

Standing over in the corner by the window, this is the other side of the room.

When you walk straight in, this is what you see. We don't have anything on the walls yet really. His name letters are ordered and we are awaiting their arrival. We should have them at the end of August! We will put some shelves up also. I just like how crisp and clean it looks without so many chachkas all over.

BIG updates

It was just 3 short weeks ago that I was thrown into a panic thinking that this baby was coming way earlier than we had expected. Apparently, he's enjoying his stay in my uterus and I absolutely don't mind it one bit.

After my July 21st appointment at the doctor's office, I decided a few things:

1. I am not going to an appointment by myself ever again. I don't usually and this may have been one of only two or three appointments that Paul missed, but no more. I will never go alone.
2. I am only going to see one of two doctors during my last weeks of this pregnancy (so far, this has worked out well for me and I am doing much better-and you will read why.)
3. I don't really love Dr. Werbin-Silver has much as I thought I did. I mean I like her and all but she totally freaked me out.
4. I need to chill out.

So after the crazy appointment with Dr. Werbin-Silver, I thought I would just continue to go back to her since she had thought the baby's arrival was imminent and was very concerned, but I decided that I needed to go back to Mootabar (aka McDreamy) to get another opinion about this whole situation. I am so freakin' glad I did. At my 36 week check up on July 28th, he totally reassured me about everything. I was especially anxious because my whole family was going away for a week on August 1, and if I went into labor and had this baby when no one was around, it just wouldn't be good. He assured me that just because I am big doesn't mean he's coming-I wasn't dilated or effaced at all and that he wasn't going anywhere. Thank God. 

I continued to schedule my appointments with McDreamy for the next 2 weeks- August 5 and August 11 (today). I feel like I am living at the doctor since I'm on that once a week visit frequency. With these once a week visits come the "glorious" internal exams. I'm not going to get into the details about these folks, but for those of you who have been pregnant, you know what a real treat they are. At my appointment today, I was still "all closed up." I had an ultrasound that measured the BIG boy at 8 pounds 9 ounces with 2 weeks until my due date, however his growth had slowed down significantly. He measured at 7 pounds 15 ounces 3 weeks ago. So that made me feel a little better. However all of his measurements still put him in the "higher" percentiles....like his head is in the 97th%ile. This tells me that he's not coming out "the baby hole." I'm not really losing any fluid, he's in position to come out the baby hole but this guy is quite large so I'm not sure that's happening. He seems very happy in there. They did some stress-type test on him to see if he was in any kind of distress at all. He got a perfect score- 8/8, so he's perfectly happy, which is fine with me.

McDreamy told us there is nothing to do but wait until he wants to come. He explained he wouldn't want me to go much past my due date because of this babe's size. He won't commit to saying whether or not he thinks a c-section would be a better choice. He often talks about how if would be great if I had him NOW because he might not be too big to have him out of the baby hole. He said induction often times leads to a c-section so while it's an option, it doesn't always work. I gave him the BIG NO on the induction thing. I'm not really interested in being induced. I also asked if there is anything to genetics in labor and delivery, like do women sometimes have similar birthing experiences as their mothers and he said that often times, that's the case. Well, great, because when my mom had me her water broke, they induced her and nothing happened for 40+ hours except for a lot of unnecessary pain-no dilating, no push push, NOTHING. She had to have a c-section and she had general anesthesia. When I finally came out I had to be in a warmer for 4 days. I know that was 30 years go but still. I told McDreamy I'm not doing that. He told me to just chill and see how it goes. So now I'm just waiting. My gut has always told me that I was going to have a c-section, even before I knew I was pregnant, I just had a feeling, the same feeling I had when we decided to try to get pregnant and I knew it would be difficult. So now all we can do is sit and wait....

Every morning I wake up and wonder, "Is this the day I will be someone's mom?" This is all very surreal to me, I can't seem to comprehend what is about to happen. I just hope that when it does, its a happy transition and everyone adjusts well to it.

Happy Anniversary!

Four years ago today, it was a beautiful, cloudless, humid-free 80 degree day and I married my love bug. 2011 had a different plan though, it was about 104 degrees at 80% humidity and any hope of going to the Yankee Game or picnicking outside on the river today was shot. So Paul and I went to Mohonk Mountain Spa and got a "Hello Baby!" massage...which was absolutely glorious. We hung out in our robes in the spa all day then went out for a "Christmas in July" dinner which consisted of my favorite-Zuppe di Pesce (to die for). It was our last anniversary just the two of us and we got to spend lots of time together. Things work out for a reason....and I'm starting to deal with yesterday's news a little better. I just needed today to relax and chill out. Everything we did together today did that.

The best gift for us is yet to come....and he's a big one!

July 22, 2007-Our wedding-a perfect day (and I was so skinny ::sigh::)

Gorgeous Mohonk Spa

We laid like fatties on that couch all day in our robes and drank amazing blueberry white tea while the staff fed us grapes. LOVE.

My anniversary dinner.....Christmas in July. THE BEST!

At a Crossroads-35 weeks

**Disclaimer: I'm stressed....you will find out why after you read this post. If you spot any typos, sorry-deal with it.**


I thought the stress was supposed to end once school got out. Obviously THAT was me being naive. I had a very stressful doctor's appointment today. I am kinda freaked out about it and don't know what to do.


Paul has been trying to finish the baby's room, so he decided to stay home and try to finish it up today while I went to my appointment. I will be 35 weeks on Saturday so I was just going for my biweekly check up, next week I  start the the weekly appointments. I didn't think it was going to be a big deal. They have been telling me for about 6 weeks now that baby boy is bigger than average based on his ultrasound measurements, so they have been watching it closely. My last 3 appointments have been with Dr. Werbin-Silver (super love her) and Dr. Grecco (love him too). Last time I went (which was 2 weeks ago) Grecco told me to have another ultrasound just to check up on his size and weight, but I may not need it. When I saw Werbin-Silver today she informed me that I definitely needed one because "I can tell that's a pretty big baby in there." She didn't even need to say anything to freak me out because the nurse freaked me out enough before the doctor came in when she weighed me and didn't say how much I gained in 2 weeks. When I asked she said SIX POUNDS. And so the nervous breakdown started then.


So, Dr. Werbin Silver came in, they did my strep B test and then my internal. Apparently his head is way down, my cervix is low and closed but she was concerned about how big I had gotten. Time for the ultrasound. So I go out to wait for my ultrasound, she (Barb, the u/s tech who I love) calls me in and starts showing me all his parts and organs and everything. She's measuring all these things and every time she measures something, the computer calculates an "estimated due date" based on the size. And for EVERY SINGLE measurement, it came up between 85-97th percentile for size and the due date for each measured part varied between july 26 and august 6. I was flipping out watching those numbers flash on the screen while I was trying to concentrate more on how cute his little face (well BIG face, really) was (side note: it looks like he has really cute cubby cheeks). 


When she was all done going through everything, the final screen comes up giving the weight and an estimated due date based on the weight....it was July 26 and his weight was in the high 7's (almost 8 pounds). I was flipping out. She even tried to take some of the larger measurements out of the calculations but it didn't make much of a difference-the ultrasound was saying he was almost an 8 pound baby at 35 weeks-the computer was actually saying I was 40+ weeks-can you imagine!?!?! 


So at this point, I am in a complete daze...I am a small person, where is this HUGE baby coming from!?!? I'm all by myself, flipping out, texting Paul, my sister, other people freaking out....then I'm thinking, "holy crap, what if this baby comes the week my parents are away?!" Suddenly my nervous laugh starts to kick in, and I'm laughing in the lobby to myself like a psycho waiting to see what Werbin-Silver says based on the ultrasound. When she called me back into her office it was the first time she ever really seemed concerned about anything. She laid out my options (while I watched her drink her diet Coke-I was more focused on that-it looked good and I was freaking): 

1. If I want to try for a vaginal birth, she recommends doing it between weeks 36-38 but I would need an amnio to make sure his lungs are fully developed, because I guess a vaginal birth can compromise their breathing. 

2. We can try to go to 39 weeks to deliver without an amnio, may or may not need to be induced but then I might be trying to deliver an 11-12 pound baby. Can you freakin' imagine? That's like birthing a Thanksgiving turkey. My dog doesn't even weight that much.

3. Scheduled C section the week of August 8 or the week of August 15.

I go again next Thursday but they aren't doing an ultrasound because there's not enough time in a week to show any significant growth (I get to see McDreamy)....so then I go again on the 4th and that's when we will decide what to do. They will do another ultrasound, measure, and then go from there. I don't know what to do. I do know that sometimes ultrasounds can be at least 1-2 pounds off but I KNOW this baby is big. I can tell that the ultrasound is not too far off, like I feel him rolling around in my body and he's not small. I got pictures of his face and of his peesh....he has the big squishy cheeks and his peesh and parts are BIG -haha so my gut is telling me he's not going to be small. And I'm sitting here thinking I have 5 more weeks to get everything done and ready-when I actually only have like 3. BIG time panic mode. This is just too much to deal with all at once. I dont know what to do. I wish someone had a magic wand that would give me all the answers to what I should do.

I suppose the good things about all of this is that I'm pretty much guaranteed a nice sized, healthy baby...and if he does weigh 9-10 pounds that's THAT much weight I don't have to lose, then you lose another 10 with all the blood, water, placenta and other stuff that comes out at birth....I'll be half way to my pre-pregnancy weight! The other good thing that I'm learning is that I have no control over any of this...I think God is trying to tell me something here. 

35 weeks...picture from today of BIG boy's peesh and parts. Can you see it?  You honestly can't miss it.

33 week ultrasound-BIG boy's profile.

35 week ultrasound-front on view of his face...he looks like the joker....look at those cheeks!

Baby's Room, Baby Belly, and a little of here and there

So the BIG demolition on our guest room/baby's room started last week. Our house looks like a dumpster with crap in boxes all over, furniture being moved, baby stuff EVERYWHERE. We finally cleared out the room and Paul ripped up the rugs. Now we are just waiting for the floors we ordered to come in so Paul can install them. In the meantime, we are leaving the room the same colors but he will freshening the paint and the floor molding. The freakin' floor is taking forever to come in, but this is what the room looks like at the moment...so much bigger without all that HUGE furniture in it.

Picture from the door....no floors yet

That blue stripe is where the border will go.

Apparently, my baby puppy, Carrie, has found a new favorite resting spot, snuggled up between my belly and leg. She's such a little momma. She also loves laying on the glider that is temporarily housed in our living room.

This is my new favorite parking spot at the 84 diner, Babies R Us, and Macy's in Danbury since those seem to be the only 3 places that have any respect for women who are 900 weeks pregnant and want to go shopping.

And a belly picture because people keep asking me for one....sorry it's not very good. I hate these anyway and since there is so much crap around my house, this is the best you are gonna get for now. 32+ weeks and counting!