Not too sure about this...

Today was my first appointment with my regular obgyn. I've been kind of gearing myself up for this because I know it's not going to be like going to RMA, where they really treat you amazingly, but that's what I'd hope for. I am having a baby, after all, and it's my first one, so you'd think at the first appointment there might be a little bit of a fuss.

Now maybe I'm making mountains out of molehills but I was a little taken aback by how "blah-zay" my doctor and his nurse were. I would have expected them to do an exam or an ultrasound since it was my first time there since my HSG test at the hospital in October, but this wasn't how it was going to go down.

First the nurse asked me to give her a urine sample. Okay. So I went in, filled up the cup thinking "oh they must have to do all sorts of tests." I bring my cup into the exam room and the nurse kinda makes fun of me for giving her so much urine because it's really for "nothing but a pregnancy test." Um, I'm sorry, but I know I'm pregnant. I watched her dip the strip into my urine, watched her watch it turn positive, then she proceeded to turn around and  say "congratulations, you're pregnant" in the worst monotonous voice. I've known this for weeks now, totally ridiculous. Then she proceeds to give me a due date...yet more information that I already had. Thanks. Strike 1.

Finally, it was the doctor's turn to make an appearance and his first words to me were "Well that was awfully fast!" Translation: 'You just started going to the specialist in October when I blew up your Fallopian tubes and it's only January and you are ALREADY pregnant!' That was strike 2. I was already miffed, I didn't need anything else to piss me off.

Well, to make a long story short, we went to his office and had a very long, uninformative conversation about our options with testing (apparently with this group, ALL tests are optional), what the appointments would be like, how much weight to gain, what foods to avoid, etc. All the while, I sat there thinking "This all seems very machine-like, almost automatic and not the least bit personal." And I hate when you go to a doctor and they don't know you or your name until they look at your chart. That's what this whole appointment was. It was 60 minutes of my life that I felt like I'd never get back.

Strike 3 occurred for me when he shuffled me and Paul out of his office to make my next appointment, which wouldn't be for 3 more weeks-that would be a physical. Then I had to go downstairs to Ultrasound to make an appointment for a u/s in 2 weeks. THEN (as if this can't get any worse) if we wanted to do genetic testing for Downs Syndrome, we'd have to call a specialist in Poughkeepsie to make an appointment for that. So THREE separate appointments on THREE separate days. But it gets better....after making all of the appointments, I still thought I'd be going in for an exam or an ultra sound. NOPE! I was done. His nurse said "See you soon! Congratulations!" And out the door we went.

I didn't realize how dissatisfied I was until a little later. I asked Paul what he thought and he said he seemed fine, nothing super extraordinary but competent. I guess I'll have to mull this first appointment over some more. Everyone says the first appointment sucks, and maybe my expectations are too high, but seriously, these people make a lot of money and my experience left me feeling very unsure that I was in a place that would meet my sometimes "high maintenance" needs.

Exhaustion and Food Aversion

I said I wouldn't complain through this, so consider this a vent...

I'm not vomiting but the food aversions are crazy! I can't eat anything but fruit and carbs. The thought of meat makes me queasy. I can't even look at eggs. EVERYTHING smells. What is that? I just love to eat waffles, grilled cheese, pancakes, cereal, yogurt, blueberries, pineapples, apples with cinnamon....any kind of fruit which I guess is good, but the other stuff, not so much. Paul can't even eat next to me if he has any kind of meat product.....it makes me gag. I've never had any issue with food. I love food! And I love meat, but oh my God, I can't even think about it.....barf.

And the exhaustion. Holy mother. I wake up, and I could roll right back over and fall asleep. When I get up for work, breakfast consists of a 4 course meal throughout the morning....then after about 4:00 I'm done for. I start to feel the dip at around 1:00. The funny thing is, my students don't know I'm pregnant and I NEVER give them a minute to take a break, but lately, I'm letting them have a few extra minutes to eat their snack, or I'll stop earlier for snack (then I'll go around and snack on their snacks! It's pretty funny, especially on the days when I'm craving salty foods like chips or Doritos! The girls are pretty generous, some boys don't want you touching their snack.)

When I get home, I'm absolutely useless. There is still Christmas stuff on my dining room table that needs to be put away and forget about the basement! There is wrapping paper, decorations and boxes all along the wall. Once I get home, it's like I can't do anything else but rest. I am useless. I kind of feel bad but I don't know how to handle this exhaustion! I'm sure I'll make up for lost time once this trimester is over. Everyone prepared me for this but I think I was in denial!

A Sigh of Relief....3rd Check up and Ultrasound

Heres my little gummy bear...

Our appointment finally came and everything is moving along just fine...WHEW! I was panicking all week. When we got to the appointment and they couldn't find my veins to take blood, I thought that was a sign of things to come. Then the PA was running late but as soon as she turned that Ultrasound machine on and I heard that heartbeat, everything was peaches and cream after that. They baby is growing more and more and the sac that is supporting the embryo looks good (its that big black circle that the baby is floating in). The baby is now forming all of its organs (you can even see the brain-it's that black spot on the left)

The baby is about 15 mm, or about the size of a raspberry. I said it looks like a frog, but the PA said gummy bear, which I like better. You can see the little limbs forming in the picture above.

The heart rate this week was 173 BPM! Last week it was 126! I was convinced it was a boy but now I'm not so sure. I'm don't really have a very strong feeling about if it's a boy or a girl, but I've been dreaming about girl "stuff" more lately....we'll see.

Those progesterone bullets are working! My Progesterone went from a 9.8 to a 21.9! Things are looking good! Now I just have to get through this first trimester!

Still waiting...

I heard from my nurse on Monday and she reassured me that everything should be okay as long as I take the supplements but we wont know until tomorrow. We had another snow day today so I got to rest and not have to worry about taking the medication and having it go everywhere.

I was super nauseous last night too. When I take the medication, I feel my temperature go up and I feel like I'm on fire. It's not my favorite thing to do, but I will do anything to make this happen. Tomorrow is a turning point. I will be 3 days away from 8 weeks and I will hopefully be able to hear my little peanut's heartbeat again. All there's left to do is pray.

A bump in the road...

So we went for the bloodwork and ultrasound on Thursday and I was on a euphoric high for about 24 hours. I felt calm and relaxed and not anxious about anything. I was thrilled that everything looked good and I heard my baby's heartbeat.

On Friday, Paul and I had a snow day, which was much needed. We were trying to De-Christmas the house and it couldn't have come at a better time. At about 11:30, my cell phone rang. It was the doctor's office. Now, they only call after bloodwork when something doesn't come back right. I panicked even before I picked up the phone.

The Norwalk office called (which is not where my regular nurse who usually calls me is located) to tell me that my Progesterone Level had dropped since last week. Progesterone is a hormone produced my the ovary which prepares the uterus for implantation, supports the early pregnancy, and nourishes the baby until about the 10th week or so. I was so shocked when she told me this that my psychotic interrogating instincts didn't kick in right away. The only questions I thought to ask were "How do we fix this?" "Do I need to come for more tests before next Thursday?" and "Are there any side effects to this medication?"

What I have to do from now until further notice is take vaginal suppositories called Promentrium (yes, VAGINAL suppositories-they look like little bullets) twice a day, in the morning and at night to help increase my progesterone levels until I'm far enough along so that the placenta can kick in (which is about 8-10 weeks-I will be 8 weeks on January 15). They are gross. Night time isn't so bad, but in the morning, I am going to have to wake up and shower and hour earlier so that I can put them in and lay down for an hour because I get dressed and start to move...So now it's just a waiting game. I have to wait until Monday to get more information from my nurse and I have to wait until next Thursday to hear that precious little heartbeat and/or see the growth that has been made in a week.  

Second Ultrasound and check up

Our second ultrasound and check up was today. I think this was the appointment that really made this whole thing very real for me.

I went in and had my blood drawn and we went right back to the U/S room as always. We got started and I saw the baby on the screen and, there, on the monitor, was a little peanut that had a head and the beginning of what would be arms and legs. It only got better after that. The Physician Assistant made the ultrasound picture on the screen smaller, but this bar on the bottom appeared. Suddenly there was a heartbeat. A strong, steady heartbeat. 

The heartbeat-126 BPM

Hearing that noise made this whole thing real to me. I am really, truly pregnant. This isn't a dream, this is really happening. While I was in this state of euphoria (it was so difficult for things to bother me after starting the day out like that!), I could help but notice that tiny, nagging voice in the back of my head repeating over and over "this is real but you have a long way to go." This is the voice that sends my 'miscarriage anxiety' into overload, but just for this day, I looked at the picture of that little peanut a million times, and reminded myself that this is such a gift-enjoy every minute (even the sick, nauseous minutes).

My little peanut

First Ultrasound and Check up

We went for our first ultrasound and blood work on Thursday, December 30th. Our babe is 5 weeks and 5 days. It's really just a sac right now, but the PA said the fetal pole is developed and next week we might be able to see the heartbeat. She said everything looked good and since I didn't hear back about my blood work, that must mean my hormones are increasing appropriately. She said the nice thick lining is indicative of good progesterone levels.

In the ultrasound image you might notice that there are 2 sacs in one of the images. The PA said we may have had 2 fertilized sacs but the smaller one didn't develop and isn't likely too. Holy twins. I guess we will have more information next week. She said that'd be something to monitor. I'm just so happy we have one on the way! How exciting!